Congratz Yunus!

16th of August 2016...was supposed to be a big day for my 5-year old, Yunus. It was supposed to be his day...

He started the day at 6.30 in the morning, which was actually early for him. Then my husband sent him to school at 6.50am. He was so excited.

The public speaking competition was held at Kolej Sains Bersekutu, Ulu Kinta, Ipoh. He went there with his teachers and all the teams who participated in other competitions such as adzan, du'a recitation and hafadzan.

We went there separately after sending Sofia tu the nursery. We brought Yahya together with us and reached there about 9am. We were excited too. 

Yunus was there and the teacher only gave him bread and soy drink. Even until 9.30am, he wasn't given any food, except the bread.

We kept on waiting. The event took too long until we fell asleep at the back of the hall. My back hurt so much and I felt almost to wormit. Alhamdulillah...we bought two packs of fried rice and kuew tiaw and asked the children to eat. Yet Yunus wasn't felt hungry, or he just got butterfly in his stomach.

I began to feel tired as the time has reached almost 12 noon. I started to question here and there. Why did they cramp almost all competitions in the same hall? Why did they keep the children too long? Why did the teacher serve only bread and let them starve until 12? I was so disappointed with the management. They should have done better than this because last year (when my eldest son entered the public speaking competition), they did the same thing. I thought the management had learned the lesson. I thought they should have more knowledge on how to manage more than 5 competitions at district level participated by 13 schools. It was a long waiting. 

When the time has come for Yunus to speak, he only started with few sentences and then stopped. He didn't want to continue anymore. I was so surprised with this because he had memorized the whole text. I asked him was he scared. He said no, he just didn't want to speak!

Suddenly I got really mad (which I wasn't supposed to). After all his hardship and effort to memorize the text, preparing the props, he suddenly made a choice not to speak! Plus the chairman of the competition was not helping by saying that they were running out of time and Yunus needed to stop and make way to other competitors. How could she stopped a 5-year old boy from speaking in front of other audiences?!!

We went out the hall. Everybody came to us, even some of teachers from other school. They told us that Yunus had good voice. He just needed confidence. Even some of them said that with that projection of voice, Yunus could be the champion. And his principal told us that the judges came to her hoping that he could be the champion.

I was disappointed...I know I be calmer and accepted his decision, but I didn't. Suddenly he cried. He said I won't let him go home. I didn't say that. Maybe he mistakenly read my face reaction.

The hero was my husband. He held Yunus, hugged him and lifted him up. He carried him to the main hall for the price giving ceremony. I was still irrational. I tried to control the emotion, not to let the children saw my reaction. I kept on thinking...after all the hardship...after all the time spent...he decided not to speak...what a waste...

Then the chairman announced that Yunus got the third place. He came to me and brought the price and certificate with him. I gave him a smile. It was already 2pm and we didn't have our lunch. We were starving. This pregnancy really made my mood swung. I hate it even more when I can't control my emotions and then it showed.

In the car...even at home...I kept on asking why in the world you decided not to speak? He kept on silent. What a bad mother I had become.

Then after I prayed the zohor prayer, I became a little bit calmer and told myself that parents should accept children's decision and accept they way they are. Parents should also become a place for the children to express feeling and be honest about what they want to do with their life...and I was thinking...how could I became so hard on a 5-year old child.

After he took his bath, I asked him to sleep next to me. I hold and hugged him. I promised to myself that I should become his best friend not a discipline teacher. We should give more room to one another...

When he got up, I hugged him and whispered in his ear, "I'm sorry that I wrongly responded to you this evening." He nodded. I just didn't want him to stop trying. It was my fault. I should have asked the judges to give him 2 minutes break and bring him outside to motivate him. I was thinking...I should do this...I should do that...it made my heart and head ached.

At night, I didn't know why I can't stop thinking about it. I took panadol and tried to rest. Then I realized that I couldn't do anything about it. I just needed to accept and let the time went fly slowly. Maybe I got mad with myself more than I got mad with everything...oh Yunus...I'm so sorry...

It was an emotional day. I hope this pregnancy emotional turbulence will stop sooner....maybe I should go to pray now and ask for Allah's forgiveness... astaghfirulla hal 'azim...

***Not to forget, thank you Yahya for such a big help. He brought and took care of the props, gave motivational words to encourage Yunus and fed him the fried kuew tiaw we bought. He even celebrated his brother when he got the third place. Thumbs up Yahya! You are such a lovely brother...