Tonsillitis again...

Sofia is sick today. She got fever and again, with her tonsilitis. Pity this little girl.  She gets the illness every month. Her throat becomes so sensitive to the ice cubes now.

I hope she recovers soon. Even though she's sick, she still share her joy and laughter. Still active and playful. The only thing is that she feels difficult to sleep at night.

May Allah protects you from illness dear. I come and sleep with you. I hope my company will lessen your burden and make you comfortable...Insya Allah...

A baby was born!

Alhamdulillah...I have safely delivered a handsome baby boy weighing 2.97kg on 22nd of September 2016.

My husband was the happiest man on earth as the baby was born on his birthday. All of us were so happy with this gift from Allah SWT...

The day began with a regular check-up. Dr. Azilah told us that the cervix has dilated 2cm. Plus minus with the time for procedure, when I was sent to the labour room, the cervix has dilated 4cm.

The moment before the labour was so challenging. Even though it was the 4th, I think it was the most painful moment-to-labour I've ever had (even the post-labour when the Dr was trying to pull out the placenta). I tried many soothing techniques...unfortunately I couldn't get the pain reduced. I prayed and prayed..
May Allah help  me and forgive me.

Thank you my dear husband for being there throughout the process of delivery. You deserved this precious gift on your cherished moment...

And Ahmad Yusuf, you are so precious and handsome....I couldn't get my eyes of you...welcome to the family dear...your brothers and sister are so excited to put you in their arms...

Tonsillitis

My daughter keeps on having cough and fever. Nowadays we regularly visit the clinic to get cough and fever medicine for her...I think almost every month.

Last week, we went to the same clinic, but the Dr Anuar wasn't there. He was replaced by another Dr. When she saw all the records, with the oral test, she came into conclusion that my daughter had tonsillitis phase 3-4. She suggested an operation.

We were surprised to hear that...and at the same time disagreed with the suggestion. We didn't think that an operation for a 2-year-old girl is the final resort.

We went home, broken hearted. We decided to look for 2nd opinion. So, the option was to visit the clinic when Dr Anuar was on duty.

After a few minutes of discussion, Dr Anuar was also disagreed with the operation. It was a relieved. He thought 2 years old was not a suitable age for a tonsillitis operation. He gave us a few things we could do and medication to reduce the inflammation.

He even said, " when she is in this condition, give her all cold food, including ice-cream and cold drinks. But, when she is healthy, even a glass of cold water makes the tonsil swollen. So, no cold drinks and food at all when she is fine."

We tried and it worked. We gave her medicine accordingly and bought her vanilla ice-cream. Even the milk was cold and we waited for the food to cool down before we gave her. We gave her barley too. She is fine now... Alhamdulillah....

How I'd wished for

When I was young,
I'd always wished for a luxurious life
With big cars and big houses
But,
Now I think my life is luxurious enough with beautiful children

When I was young,
I'd always wished for an all-day momentous gathering
With famous friends and educated family members
But,
Now I think my life is momentous enough with a caring and loving husband

When I was young,
I'd always wished for an up-to-date me
With fashionable clothes and accessories
But,
Now I think I am up-to-date enough with my family's likes and dislikes, pleasure and pain, mixed-up feelings and their life experience

When now I have my own family
I'm grateful enough
To have all of you
In my life
Because I start to live as a happy wife, mommy and a beautiful women

Congratz Yunus!

16th of August 2016...was supposed to be a big day for my 5-year old, Yunus. It was supposed to be his day...

He started the day at 6.30 in the morning, which was actually early for him. Then my husband sent him to school at 6.50am. He was so excited.

The public speaking competition was held at Kolej Sains Bersekutu, Ulu Kinta, Ipoh. He went there with his teachers and all the teams who participated in other competitions such as adzan, du'a recitation and hafadzan.

We went there separately after sending Sofia tu the nursery. We brought Yahya together with us and reached there about 9am. We were excited too. 

Yunus was there and the teacher only gave him bread and soy drink. Even until 9.30am, he wasn't given any food, except the bread.

We kept on waiting. The event took too long until we fell asleep at the back of the hall. My back hurt so much and I felt almost to wormit. Alhamdulillah...we bought two packs of fried rice and kuew tiaw and asked the children to eat. Yet Yunus wasn't felt hungry, or he just got butterfly in his stomach.

I began to feel tired as the time has reached almost 12 noon. I started to question here and there. Why did they cramp almost all competitions in the same hall? Why did they keep the children too long? Why did the teacher serve only bread and let them starve until 12? I was so disappointed with the management. They should have done better than this because last year (when my eldest son entered the public speaking competition), they did the same thing. I thought the management had learned the lesson. I thought they should have more knowledge on how to manage more than 5 competitions at district level participated by 13 schools. It was a long waiting. 

When the time has come for Yunus to speak, he only started with few sentences and then stopped. He didn't want to continue anymore. I was so surprised with this because he had memorized the whole text. I asked him was he scared. He said no, he just didn't want to speak!

Suddenly I got really mad (which I wasn't supposed to). After all his hardship and effort to memorize the text, preparing the props, he suddenly made a choice not to speak! Plus the chairman of the competition was not helping by saying that they were running out of time and Yunus needed to stop and make way to other competitors. How could she stopped a 5-year old boy from speaking in front of other audiences?!!

We went out the hall. Everybody came to us, even some of teachers from other school. They told us that Yunus had good voice. He just needed confidence. Even some of them said that with that projection of voice, Yunus could be the champion. And his principal told us that the judges came to her hoping that he could be the champion.

I was disappointed...I know I be calmer and accepted his decision, but I didn't. Suddenly he cried. He said I won't let him go home. I didn't say that. Maybe he mistakenly read my face reaction.

The hero was my husband. He held Yunus, hugged him and lifted him up. He carried him to the main hall for the price giving ceremony. I was still irrational. I tried to control the emotion, not to let the children saw my reaction. I kept on thinking...after all the hardship...after all the time spent...he decided not to speak...what a waste...

Then the chairman announced that Yunus got the third place. He came to me and brought the price and certificate with him. I gave him a smile. It was already 2pm and we didn't have our lunch. We were starving. This pregnancy really made my mood swung. I hate it even more when I can't control my emotions and then it showed.

In the car...even at home...I kept on asking why in the world you decided not to speak? He kept on silent. What a bad mother I had become.

Then after I prayed the zohor prayer, I became a little bit calmer and told myself that parents should accept children's decision and accept they way they are. Parents should also become a place for the children to express feeling and be honest about what they want to do with their life...and I was thinking...how could I became so hard on a 5-year old child.

After he took his bath, I asked him to sleep next to me. I hold and hugged him. I promised to myself that I should become his best friend not a discipline teacher. We should give more room to one another...

When he got up, I hugged him and whispered in his ear, "I'm sorry that I wrongly responded to you this evening." He nodded. I just didn't want him to stop trying. It was my fault. I should have asked the judges to give him 2 minutes break and bring him outside to motivate him. I was thinking...I should do this...I should do that...it made my heart and head ached.

At night, I didn't know why I can't stop thinking about it. I took panadol and tried to rest. Then I realized that I couldn't do anything about it. I just needed to accept and let the time went fly slowly. Maybe I got mad with myself more than I got mad with everything...oh Yunus...I'm so sorry...

It was an emotional day. I hope this pregnancy emotional turbulence will stop sooner....maybe I should go to pray now and ask for Allah's forgiveness... astaghfirulla hal 'azim...

***Not to forget, thank you Yahya for such a big help. He brought and took care of the props, gave motivational words to encourage Yunus and fed him the fried kuew tiaw we bought. He even celebrated his brother when he got the third place. Thumbs up Yahya! You are such a lovely brother...

Fatigue

I feel so tired today...after cleaning the 2nd floor of the house and then the 1st floor. At this moment, I really wish to have a maid...huhu...

I actually don't enjoy cleaning at the moment because it hurts my lower back.😭 When pain strikes, I usually get mad and easily get annoyed. I really hope I'm a calm parent so that at this critical moment I don't have to push my children away.

I brought my children to the shopping mall today and made an appologise especially to the eldest son. He cried and hugged me...how he missed my old character before I got pregnant...cheerful and funny. Mommy is extremely sorry, Yahya...

I admit this pregnancy is the most painful ever...sitting is painful, walking is painful, even lying down is painful. I can't wait to end this two months towards the EDD. I'm currently taming my anger and I hope to become a more tolerated person...Really hope to welcome back the funny me...

Feeling annoyed

Sometimes people just get simply annoyed over a few unnecessary things. How unlucky they are...

It is better to let other people express their feeling and don't judge them beforehand. People are raised up by different people, in different environment, social status, verbal communication, physical contact, etc. Opening the door to know other person leads to an openness in our heart, thus helping us to develop a new perspective in life.

How I wish people will accept me the way I am without feeling prejudice and indiscrimination. I love the way people act differently to the same behaviour and I hope my children will open their heart to accept more people with different background in their lives.

As Allah SWT mentioned:
يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ إِنَّا خَلَقْنَاكُم مِّن ذَكَرٍ وَأُنثَىٰ وَجَعَلْنَاكُمْ شُعُوبًا وَقَبَائِلَ لِتَعَارَفُوا ۚ إِنَّ أَكْرَمَكُمْ عِندَ اللَّهِ أَتْقَاكُمْ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ عَلِيمٌ خَبِيرٌ

O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you people and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah SWT is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah SWT is Knowing and Acquainted. (Al-Hujurat, 49: 13)